Stella needs brakes, damn...

Last weekend I was driving home from C.C.'s when all of a sudden this crazy squealing came from my car. I was on the Island on the long stretch home and it scared the shit out of me. I stopped the car in the middle of the road, got out and made sure I didn't have a flat. It occurred to me then that it must have been the built in squealer on my brakes.

It was, so here I sit at the dealer waiting for them to put some new shoes on Stella. We'll not talk about the oil change that she's due (and getting) or the fact that she's over on miles. My poor Dad is probably rolling in his grave because I'm over. I can hear him now, "You're gonna burn that damn motor up, Merle. Get that damn oil changed before you do anything else."

I'm sitting just off the showroom floor and to my right I can see the front end of an '09 Mustang. I'm avoiding strolling over there to look. I can't get sucked in. It sure looks hot though. All meaty and strong, winking at me trying to lure me in.

I forgot my security fob at home so I can't gain access into the office. I hate doing stupid shit like that. I could sit here at the dealer while my car is being serviced and be a good employee and get my work done. But no. I remembered the power cord and the broadband card but not the fob. In this economy copping to the fact that you screwed up and can't get your work done isn't a good thing. I'm so mad at myself all I can do is sit here and shake my head.

Rest assured knowing that my boss felt the need to further remind me that it was not a good thing... as if I'm not beating myself up enough.

Every year our little group has gone to the coast for my birthday. We didn't go last year. Pony had started a new job and was in Boston and Toddy forgot my birthday. I turned 45 last, wait, hot girl walking through the showroom. Holy moly. That'll just take your breath away. She had on heels. Not Payless heels, but nice Norstrom heels and great legs. Anyhoo, where was I? Oh the coast run this year.

Well as it turns out Pony has made other plans this year and Pua can't make it (I'll call you soon Pua) and though Hot and Golden Boy are in for the coast run, I don't know that it will be the same. My plans were to include The Math Whiz and The Handsome Prince this year but I"m thinking about pulling the plug on the whole thing. Money is so tight everywhere that maybe it'd just be best not to go.

These bastards want to turn the rotars on my brakes and I didn't think that was necessary when I looked at them. I better go stir the pot a little and see what the deal is. $360 for brake pads all around and turning the rotars. I have to make sure they're not soaking me because I'm a girl.

More "tomorrow."

Auburn Pisces Resurfaces

I miss writing my blog. I know it's not the cool thing to do now with Facebook and Podcasts but I really enjoyed it and I'm hoping to get back to it.

How about some visual updates?

Last week I took Auburn Aries to a Trail Blazers basketball game. We grabbed some sushi and took the train to the Rose Garden and caught the game with some of her classmates and their parents. The seats were nose bleed but it didn't matter. The Blazers won and we had a ball. And look at my baby. She's so cute.

While on a field trip with AA's class, I took this shot of her downtown. Some field trips can be a drag but every once in a while there's one that's not so bad. We walked the waterfront and got a history lesson from some Portland guides.

I took this with my phone earlier this year. I no longer have dyke hair! It's about three inches longer now. Auburn Aries says that I look crossed-eyed. It's just the glare from the window. Growing it out sucked but it's been worth it. I love it being long again.

In October, Portland held their annual AIDS Walk. The Boys and I all participated. There are pictures of me but I look fat so you can't see them! I will, however, show you Auburn Aries..

In December I dropped Auburn Aries off at her Dad's for part of winter break and headed to Pony's house for an overnighter. I started working from home full-time so getting away and having cocktails with friends was first on the list. Little did I know the anticipated snow storm the news stations named Arctic Blast 2008 would be as serious as it was. I ended up snowed in four days with absolutely no ability to get Stella off Pony's street.

It did get worse as the days wore on. I think I took this picture on day two of the sleepover.

Things with us have been up and down. Sometimes I don't think I can take anymore onto an already full plate. Other times, I take a deep breath and am thankful that I am exactly where I'm supposed to be. It could be worse.

Gotta close for now so I can cook dinner. More tomorrow.

Better Late Than Never

Happy Birthday Oak Point Man!!!

I meant to get this post up a couple of days ago (actually on your birthday) but got busy...or distracted...or maybe I was dancing with myself ~ who knows.

My point is I still think about you, my friend, nearly every day. On the 27th as I toyed with ideas about what I wanted to say, I stopped and thought about all the time we spent together. Morning coffee everyday at Kobos, lunch at the Acrop (still wantin' me some "Sunday" brunch!) or at the bento place, laughing at so many stories about people and friends and kids, checking out women together - one in particular that was H.O.T. and smart (a combination that's hard to beat). The three of us were great friends.

I miss the kid stories a LOT. How is the Dinosaur Man? Still crazy smart?

I enjoyed our talks about relationships and sex (not always mutually exclusive). It was nice to have a friend with whom I can have those conversations without being judged. You were definitely that friend.

I regret not seeing you more when I worked in your neck of the woods. The miles between us are many but I still feel as close to you as ever .

I look back on the the last few years and miss what was. I miss the cameraderie we had and the way things were back then. I know that people and events come and go in our lives. It's like reading chapters in a good book. When you reflect on it, certain things stand out more than others. You are definitely one of those chapters. That last year we physically worked in the same location was, what I now know to be, a wonderfully, sweet time in my life.

I still love my life the way I always have, but I've been through more - some of it not so great - and I realize I will never be the same person I was back then. Wiser, yes. Unaffected by certain events, no. It's funny how it all works. When I think of that time I realize how blessed I was to have you and Hot Mama and Young Stud in my life. Time has changed the proximity but not the way my heart feels about you guys.

My friendship with you always made me feel special. You were truly my friend. I know we each had other friends but I knew that you were there for me and that it didn't matter what happened, you cared about me.

As I conclude my walk down memory lane, I want you to know the friendship you shared with me has touched my heart. I have memories (and giggles) that only you and I share and that's pretty cool.

I'll try to make an effort to connect with you soon. Maybe it's time for another conference call with Hot Mama?!

Happy birthday, Oak Point Man.

I love you.

The World is a Measuring Cup

While driving home with Auburn Aries a few weeks ago, she made an observation.


AA: Mom, the world is just one big measuring cup, isn't it?
AP: How do you mean?
AA: Everything is measured; quarter-mile to Sauvie Island, 10 miles to Portland, you sit at a red light for a measured amount of time, TV is in 30 or 60 minute blocks...everything is measured.


Sometimes her insight astounds me. I've been on this planet a lot longer than she and I had never viewed it in those terms.


As for the amount of time I've been away from my blog, we won't measure that today. It's been far too long and even though it seems lots of people have fallen away from blogging, I have every intention of picking it back up. I love writing and sharing my stories and thoughts.


I was looking through some notes I've been carrying in my purse for that indeterminate amount of time I've been away and I have some fun C.C. Slaughter's stories with the boys I want to share.


There was the time Golden Boy was tending bar and while watching him mix a cocktail, I expressed a need:


AP: Can I have one of those pourers?
GB: A what?!
AP: A pourer. One of those things where the mix comes out.


Then Pony spoke up:


P: Golden Boy is the pourer. That's the spout!


Then there was the time we were all having cocktails talking about Pony's hugantic truck he drives and another male friend of ours overheard the conversation and interjected:


EA: You know, every time you come over in that big ass truck my Cher dolls fall over!!


I cracked up laughing. Anywhere else that would be the strangest sentence coming from a man, but not in C.C.'s.


And I can't forget the time the topic of conversation was how cool it would be if lube dispensed out of a hose from our bedroom ceilings like it does at Jiffy Lube on the retractable hose.


You see, not much has changed and with regard to me and My Boys, that's a good thing. We're all a little older and for some of us we live and work in different places but we're still the same and I wouldn't change that for the world.


On the flip side of my world, Auburn Aries is doing great. She's 5' 7-1/2" now and in the sixth grade. She's still beautiful and funny and smart except now I can add in occasionally sharp tongued and sometimes acts like her Mom's an idiot. From where does that attitude creep in? It baffles the mind. I ask a simple question and her response is in this tone that would imply that I had just yelled at her and she needed to defend herself.


She's still carrying around baby fat that she hates. She asked me a few days ago how can she find a person that will be her best friend and keep them being her best friend and not wishy-washy. My first thought was 'wait until you're grown up, you'll find them' but that wasn't what she needed to hear. She asked me about why people are put off by her and, yes, in those words.


I tried to explain to her that most people judge a person by the way they look and with her they see tall and overweight and people won't always give themselves a chance to get to know someone who looks different. I suggested to her that she continue to see people for what's on the inside, like she always has, and that when she feels a connection with a new friend that she needs to nurture and care for the friendship.


I pointed out that my friendships with Hot Toddy, Pony and Golden Boy are friendships that I put time into just the same way they do and the result is we've all become a family. I assured her her best friend was out there somewhere and in no time at all she'll be snubbing Mom for a movie with her girlfriends.


I've said it before - I won't know if I've done a good job raising her until she's 30 and has kids of her own. Hopefully the impact I make on her world is a good one.

The craziness inside

Why do the holidays have to be so difficult?

Is it the fact that I've lost my Mom and my brother inside three years? Is is that money seems so fucking tight right now and has for the past year and a half? Is it that Auburn Aries still believes in Santa and I have to live up to her expectations? Is it the new relationship I am smack in the middle of that I'm still trying to figure out?

It's interesting dating someone that is completely out of the ordinary. He's someone so tenderhearted that I worry about hurting him. I know he would never hurt me or Aries. Dating another Pisces is very interesting. I'm enjoying it but there is a certain clinginess due to circumstances beyond his control and I have to ask myself if I'm ready for this.

I worry that he's more in love with me than I am him.

I'm in Seattle in class and it's just started back up. More later.

Open wide and say Ahhhhh

A couple of weeks ago I had to take Auburn Aries to the doctor for what I suspected what Strep throat. I thought it would be best to get a culture done just to make sure it was treated if that was the case.

While sitting the little room waiting, Aries looks over at me and says:

AA: I know how to spell Chlamydia.

AP: [flashes to a certain scene in Mean Girls and subsequently wonders why a 10 year old knows this not-so-fun fact] You do?

AA: Yes. It's c.h.l.a.m.y.d.i.a.

AP: Well, that's good, Honey. Just don't get Chlamydia, okay?

AA: Okay Mommie.

After seeing the doctor and deciding to go ahead and take the throat culture even though she doesn't suspect it was Strep, the nurse returns to take the culture. It took a little bit of convincing Auburn Aries that the throat culture was necessary.

AA: YOU'RE NOT STICKING THAT LONG Q-TIP IN MY THROAT.

AP: Yes, Baby, she is. She's just gonna touch it to your tonsils and make sure everything is okay.

AA: I've seen CSI, Mom. They don't just touch that thing to your throat. They drag it around and dig a little!!!

AP: Well that's true but this isn't CSI and you aren't dead. So open your mouth.

Aries finally did open her mouth and the nurse did drag it around a little. I about died laughing at the look on Aries face as though had she just drank sour milk.

AA: It's not funny Mom... [gags a little then coughs] It feels like I just swallowed metal.

AP: Like a glass of metal shards?

AA: Yep, just like that.

Who says having kid isn't fun??

Math homework is hard

Auburn Aries is at her Dad's this weekend. I have very much been looking forward to the break. With Samhain upon us and the purchasing of a costume and the trip to the corn maze traipsing around in the mud and the subsequent trick or treating, I've been exhausted.

I was awakened this morning by a call from someone special (more on him another time) but found I couldn't fall back asleep. I curled up on the couch under a blanket and was enjoying the peace and quiet and reflecting on the week when I noticed on the coffee table a math worksheet Aries had completed.

It was chock full math riddles:

If you count by this number, you will say 100, but you will not say 10.
If you count by this number, you will say 200, but you will not say 40.
If you count by this number, you will say 300, but you will not say 75.
Find several factor pairs for the multiple of 100 you chose and list them below.

I read through her paper and was able to see the areas where she had penciled her thoughts. It was cool to see her work. I review her work but it's usually in the context of making sure it's completed and not necessarily to see that which I saw today. It literally made me laugh out loud.

The final task on the worksheet read:

Write about the strategies you used to find the factor pairs.

Aries' response:

I counted in my head, re-read what I wrote and counted on my fingers and toes. And checked with my Mom.

I was reminded that she's ten and half years old. She's growing up so fast and is extremely tall and very mature for her age ~ sometimes I forget that her mind is still young. It took about 2.5 seconds for me to miss her.